Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
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