He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Randomize
