If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Randomize
