are you still at the devil's house?
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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