dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
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