I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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