She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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