i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
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