cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Randomize
