I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
