gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
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