dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
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