Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize