Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Randomize
