Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Randomize
