Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Randomize
