Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
