Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
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