Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
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