I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
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