Hey man sorry I got all grabby
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
