If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Randomize
