I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Randomize
