I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize