so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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