before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
it was like having sex with a tree stump
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
