I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
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