I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Randomize
