walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
being pregnant is like rehab
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Randomize
