tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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