it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You have to summon your inner elephant
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
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