I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
