Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
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