I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
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