Sry I called you an 8
PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
