I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
