Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
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