We won't sleep together?
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
My balls are so social today.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
