the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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