she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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