You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
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