Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
