she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Randomize
