I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
He shit in the fireplace
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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