I could have mohawked her pubes.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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