im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Randomize
