Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
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