I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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