You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
