so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
