just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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