You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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