you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
