i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
