I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
I party with great urgency now.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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