By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
