So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
