He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
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