I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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