I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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