ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
did i just pee glitter
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