mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
