We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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