got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize
