Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize