I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Randomize
