Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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