i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
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