Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
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