Where is the hickey?
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
