i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Randomize
