Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Randomize
