I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
