It's Friday. Sex?
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
