Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
