Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Alive.
So much puke
I can't put those talents on a resume
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
